Meltdown

What I’ve been trying to do recently is the following:

  1. Assuming everything happens for a reason
  2. Therefore observing like you’ve never observed before (wich is the hardest part)
  3. Analyzing what you see or hear
  4. Wisdom will be achieved by not letting go of new-found knowledge
  5. Repeat.

I’ll give you a little aid in how to execute each step;

  1. Arrogantly assume You’re God himself!
  2. You can’t wear the same shades you’ve been wearing all your life. Drugs are eye-openers…
  3. Go sit in the toilet with pen&paper and use your brain. Music is allowed, if not a necessity.
  4. Not letting go of new-found knowledge is hard, see pen&paper, laptops can cause too much distractions.
  5. Repeat differently

P.S.: I’m not trying to get people hooked on heroin, everything in life is a drug. You just have to know when it’s time to move on

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alcohol & me

Say hello to my “little” friend!

red wine

I’m not afraid to say I’m a sensitive person, broadly applied.

That applies to drugs as well, such as the delicious devil mr. red wine. Or the blood of christ as some priests like to call it. They get to have it during mass but us, citizens, we get to have some small bread looking thingy. Nice, democracy IS everywhere.

I’ll tell you the effect it has on me. When we were all just teenagers, we first tasted the forbidden fruits. We couldn’t stomach it very much, or at least I couldn’t. I still remember my first real experience (read: overdose). It was with a good friend of mine. We brought the goods, the russian kind. It was just him & me drinking a bottle of vodka whilst exchanging stories. As time went by, or liquor switched dimensions, something strange happened.

I looked down for a second, only to feast my eyes upon what seemed to be puke. “Yuck, what are we doing here next to this crap?”.

My mate replied: “Euhm, bro, you literally just barfed.”

What the fuck! I had no recollection of the act AT all! Is this magic? A drink that makes me believe things only I want to believe? Mouhahahhahaahwhahahahhhaahahahaha!!

Flash forward 6 years:

Melancholy of vodka

I’m only kidding. My mother and trainspotting raised me well. I could stay away, no problem.

I couldn’t comprehend how anyone could become addicted to this stuff. It is so life invasive. It fucks up your health, relationships and much, much more. Only the past year and a half maybe I could start to see the solace it gives some people.

What it does to me:

  1. It numbs me
  2. I can think more “open-mindedly”
  3. It wakes me up from sleep
  4. Usually followed by a “bright” idea
  5. Can’t sleep anymore
  6. The vicious circle begins

Not sleeping for LONG periods of time is like… How do I put it. Getting ALL the drugs injected into your body for free and tralallalalal you’re off to the REAL dream world! At least it is for me anyhow.

Where does the journey eventually take me to?

Paranoia

P.S.: It’s friday again, my excuses are valid. Hehe.

New dawn

It’s weird what has happened. I experience all the same effects of a psychosis, only much more analyzed and self-reflected than before. I’ve got a feeling I can do this forever. A life long “manic” episode. When and where I want it to be.

Is it wisdom? Does it come with age? Is it God intervening?

I think it is. I can see You Chepri!

Khepri

Scarab Saint

P.S.: I hope He’s not lying and fucking me.

P.S.2: God of the rolling turds, he just might be…

Amazing discovery!

Just now I’ve met these guys:

Just ride

Completely Serious Comics

I listened to their podcast and discovered something even greater!

Check this out:

Too cute to die

Too Kawaii To Die

It basically means “too cute to die”. And they literally put my thoughts into existence in a way I never could. It’s a collection of different comics bundled into a .pdf file. Check it out! Just click on the pictures to go get them.

I’ll read some stuff now, bye bye!

My Love.

I’ll tell you what keeps me here. It’s my love, nothing more. What do I love? Think about your love first and then read mine.

I love You. I love the race, US, humans. Other things as well but they’re for the not so distant future.

Last night was funny, I keep meeting people, lovely people, every single one.

I’ll tell you about this guy I met. He was probably around 27 years of age. Very alternative looking, kinda rock-ish. Long hair, rings on his fingers. Jesus personified, in his own special kind of way. He once had a clear/bright moment in time. Since then it has been his mission in life to pass on his word (aren’t we all?). We talked a while about God (religion), science, life, humankind, whatever. We talked about Einstein and Hawking. He thought of them as little players, small fish, and that he himself is “next-level”.

Really?

I’ll tell you what happened to me after he said those words. My perception of him instantly changed. At first I thought he was cool and wanted to know more. But after those words, SNAP! I thought of him (you can guess…) as an idiot, moran, charlatan, egomaniac, dickface, something ripe for the killing… Hahahah.

Why? Is it my ego standing in my way? I don’t think so. I think I have him figured out. I see his vision and his way of “spreading jesus’ word”. And it is totally incorrect. I’ll tell you why;

How does he spread his word? He gives consultations, all in private, mostly to his friends. His consultations are 40 euros worth. LOL what? He claims his information is vital and important and that he wants to improve mankind. Good start moran, asking money for vital info. It’s pure manipulation, nothing more. Did Jesus himself ask for money? I don’t think so. Did Einstein and Hawking? Lol no.

And now time for the ugly truth. Why will he NEVER EVER EVER be as good as Einstein or Hawking?

He thinks he’s better than them. Don’t you think that they had the EXACT same vision? Even Jesus millions of years ago probably had the same.
The difference lies in making it clear to mankind. Jesus did it with religion, free of charge, until people figured out you could make money out of it. Einstein and Hawking created new laws. Vital stuff that improved mankind BEYOND imagination. They made new rules/laws/codes so pure you can almost taste. Einstein and Hawking didn’t like physics. It takes a touch of genius to do stuff you don’t like with the sole purpose of helping us humans. Complete selflessness, it is where we need to go. It’s hard, so very very hard. But I’m trying, I hope you will too.

/End rant.

Bye Bye,

Much love,

Yourself.

The TRUTH v.2 aka tl;dr

Here we go Ladies & Gentlemen! This is not going to be easy. But I assure you, people following, You’re in for a ride.

Before we begin, I have to set up some GROUND rules.

  1. Don’t be a dick.
  2. Don’t be a pussy.
  3. Don’t be egotistical.
  4. Be a maniac.
  5. Hello?

Before you read the rest, you have to go back.

You have to.

Go back.

I can already hear you thinking;

“To where? Where do I have to go?”

I don’t know,

That’s for you to decide.

If you want to continue reading this, this is what you have to do;

Go back to “The TRUTH” volume 1.

Have You?

I don’t think you have.

Still not going back?

Idiot.

Whatever stupid prick/cunt, let’s begin;

What I’m about to tell you is the following; It’s nothing more than a portal into MY mind. People still don’t get me, it frustrates me, it makes me angry, it makes me want to kill. Dominate, force, suffocate, die…

The funny thing is, no-one will ever get me. One person comes close, but not quite yet. She’ll get there when we die. Oh life, Oh God, give me more. I long for you. I long for you to finally take me away from this lovely, hateful, bittersweet world that we call reality.

But before that happens, it’s time for some pure old fun. Old-school bitches, yeah that’s what I’m talking about.

Pause. Something is holding my writing back, I don’t know what. I’ll return, first a smoke outside, watch the moon/stars. Creatures, come to me. I beckon You.

I’m back. It’s getting hard.

Let me tell You something;

The most PRIZED possession for ME is DEATH. It’s the most glorious thing on this earth. I want it God. Do you know why? I’ll bring him to his knees. I don’t know what his knees look like, but hmm. One can only image. Veni vidi vici.

I’m the biggest monster You’ll EVER meet. But a good kind of monster. A monster fueled by the power of his own God. And so is everyone. Everyone has their Creator. I’ll tell you a little bit more about mine, His kind. Ruthless, monstrous. Evil, good, insane. Crazy. Lovely. Passionate.

I don’t fear God, death. There is one thing I fear. It is a person. You know who.

Everything I do is for a reason. I’m next level. If you think you have it figured out, you don’t. Don’t stop learning from me, I want YOU to join me in MY future.

My future may be scary for some, but I’ll tell you now. It is where YOU want to be. I’m honest, I will never lie. I want people to come to MY level. And in return make me smarter, better, faster, crazier, “insaner”, more pure…

I’m off to the races…

Lana, I love you.

And everybody else.

But most of all,

Santa Maria.

I devote my life to you.

There is nothing more I want then to please you, tease, fuck you, love you, hate you, kill you…

But in death we will rejoice, In eternal BLISS.

I don’t know what will happen, but I have a vision, it’s crazy.

I’ve seen shit. Shit most people couldn’t ever comprehend. Some come close, and everybody has their own idea/vision, that’s the beauty of life. I love it, I hate it, I’ll fuck it. But before someone can form a decisive vision/future they have to TRULY comprehend everyone’s future. Mankind is united. We are ONE. But we are also nothing. I think in black & white. But that’s the beauty. If you think in black & white, you begin to see the ENTIRE spectrum.

ALL that goes in between, all the possible variations/abnormalities. I love it. I UNDERSTAND the devil. But I want to BECOME God.

It’s a long road. But it’s worth it.

Kill me now please.

No!

Wait!

Stop!

This is too much fun.

Let me play some more.

Let me learn & educate.

I’ve seen “things” looking straight into my eyes. I’ve seen monsters trying to drag me away from this earth.The creature dragged me away from my bed, something I couldn’t stop. I was curios. What does He want? It tried to suck my dick, seducing me. And then I knew. Fuck that. No thanks. Not now. Not You. Keep trying. I love it. I’ll kill you. Come closer, please, once more. Give it to me. I can take it. If I can’t, well, I’ll fuck you in Death. I’ll help you. In a sick way. I’ll give You what You need. In time. Time can be bent, and that world, I don’t fully understand. Yet. We’ll get there soon enough. Watch me. Let it burn. Fuel your heart with my fire. I’m kind, giving. Understand.

I have a disease, a disease that is called mankind. You have it to, I know You do. Maybe you’re afraid to know yourself. I know I am. A little bit. Maybe a lot. Definitely a lot. It’s the most scary thing ever. That’s why I can’t do it alone. I need You. Mankind! People! Let’s be the biggest virus ever known to the universe. And then we can create, create another “big bang”. It’ll be the best, most amazing bang anyone could  have ever imagined.

I love You.

My main problem is the “ego”.

It’s slowly breaking down. Or is it building up? It has been created over the centuries, money, space, time, all the man-made concepts I DESPISE. But also love, to the core.

It’s what fuels me. STOP!

You’re no good for me, but baby I want you.

Do you think we’ll be in love forever?

I have a tendency to OVER-analyze EVERYTHING. But with everything, I mean ALL.

It’s hard, it’s demanding, it’s dirty, it’s filthy.

I think I’m coming close to an end now. Maybe. Don’t know. I’ll start adding some TumBLr pictures into my posts. I love tumblr. It’s like… How do I explain it the best?

Take a subject, keep it simple, one word. Put it into tumblr and see what happens. What happens is, you can see 1 million (hopefully even more) views on the subject. Everyone’s unique, lovely perspective. I have said it before & will say it again. Sharing is the future. If you don’t like it, I’ll kill you. Shoot you dead. I hope my boss never reads this. I love him too though.

Money is the anthem to success. I want to educate people. How do I do it on the most efficient way possible? Be the biggest rolling stone alive. The one doesn’t like it. But I’ll tell You, You will in time. I’ll give you HARD times, but the lovely times will be 2ice as nice!

All good things come in pairs. Join me, pair up with me. And take it from there. Create your own shit. There, I said it, I think your shit is shit because everybody’s vision is different, I can only hope it KIND of resembles mine.

I’m the national anthem.

Give me a standing ovation.

And I think I’m done.

I will never be done.

It all depends on how much You can take.

I’ll drive you insane.

Borderline insanity.

Don’t be afraid.

I love You.

There, I’m done. Now I still have to re-read, re-write, add tumblr pics into this post.

DO YOU SEE ALL THE TROUBLE I GO TO, ALL IN THE NAME OF LOVE?

I DON4T THINK YOU DO, FUCKER.

It’s hard to shake the Devil, because I love him. But not as much as God. It’s a very thin line I’m walking. And the line will, and must, become even more thin. Re-read the header of this blog. The struggle that I call ME. And try to understand/analyze the text I have put underneath. It wont be easy, but please try. I need You, the same way as You need me.

Darling, darling, doesn’t have a problem. Lying to herself because the liquor’s top shelf.

I’m dying,

Lying.

Tomorrow will be fun. I’ll give my mind one more BIG stretch, and then turn back. Back to reality. And then I’ll go back. Back to the past. That’s how I create the now.

Go big or go home.

Don’t go home.

Stay.

Rejoice.

One more smoke, and then time for the pics.

I think most people will never get to this part of this post. Simply too “boring” for them. They wouldn’t understand anyhow. Maybe they should take more drugs. Expand a little. Love will bring you back.

Oh My God, I feel It in the air.

Nothing skies me anymore…

P.S.: This is only vol. 2. I don’t even want to think about vol.3. I hope i’ll reach 99. Then it will be enough, all my caring will be gone. And I will leave this world. On to the next. Don’t play the game, become the game in order to beat it. Watch the south koreans play with the illusion that is called starcraft 2. It’s the most beautiful computer game created until now. Blizzard, geniuses. They have created 3 races, all PERFECTLY balanced.Do you know how hard it is to PERFECTLY balance 3 races? The codes have become so complex. As time passes, the players begin to understand the codes the creators have written. And when that happens, it’s all mind games. It’s 1vs1. It’s game mode. It’s pure killing they do. The smart ones learn, the less get stuck in their ways and get stomped on. But everyone has his purpose. Even if it is subliminal. But you have to make it the opposite of subconscious, make it conscious and OBSERVE what happens. It’s all a game. A hard game. But not really…

I’ve warned You this was going to be long. My previous posts were short, but people don’t seem to get it. It’s a shame really. I’ll stop complaining. I’ll stop bitching, I need to shut the FUCK up.

I’m just another idiot on the planet of idiots.

This is just the beginning of the end. Or is the end the beginning of the “begun”?

P.S.2: I’m too exhausted right now, I’ll update this post with pictures on sunday.

P.S.:3: I love You.

Bye now,

Yourself.

I questions.

I feel like talking questions.

“How can one bask in the light, without first seeing the dark?”

“How does one understand the dark, without first seeing the light?”

“Why is it that every time you think one thing, the other is true aswell?”

“Is escape possible?”

No. I don’t know. Maybe.

P.S.: I like Pan/Tone.

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