I haven’t updated my blog in a while. I’ve been busy getting to know and mastering the details of my new job. It’s fun, I love my colleagues and I’m learning new stuff everyday. I do wonder however, what the future will bring as I’d like to move up the proverbial ladder.
What I want to talk about now are dreams. Right now, I’m in a calm state of mind, the last 4 months were pretty manic from time to time. I started noticing the first symptoms when me and my girlfriend started living together. Thank God I recognized what was going on so I took a hasty visit to my psychiatrist. I took the pills he gave me (still do btw) and wasn’t afraid I’d end up like before. However, I was still pretty manic.
I’ll tell you about a “dream” I had back then. It occurred after I wrote The Truth v.2, so you can kind of figure out what kind of mental state I was in back then. I was lying in bed next to my girlfriend. Looking at my window blinds that started to deform and dance. With closed eyelids, I saw people with weird faces and expressions. With every half a second a new face. It’s not easy trying to sleep with all these visual things, but after a while I managed to doze off to some kind of dream state.
I was in my house. It looked a bit different from my current house. The front door had 2 big, red, steel bars making it very secure. I was looking out of my window onto the street. Across the street, in a neighboring house I saw dark eyes and shadows looking at me. I felt as if they wanted something. I ignored it at first, but gradually I saw more and more beings in different houses looking at me. I figured it was time to stop looking. I left the room and joined my sleeping girlfriend in bed (she was vastly asleep in real life). I felt secure and unafraid. After a while I felt “things/beings” penetrating my house, coming trough the walls as they are heading straight towards us. Suddenly (and I still remember this quite well) I open my eyes, leaving my dream, looking at my sleeping girlfriend as I was spooning her. All of a sudden, I felt a very warm feeling in the center of my heart. It was building up, getting hotter and hotter and felt it circulating. As this “storm” got bigger and bigger, It suddenly peaked and exploded kind of like a bomb, sending an invisible shockwave across the room. At that exact moment of release, I see my girlfriend shaking heavily.
Weird. I like to think it was a way of expelling the dark beings that came for us. Yeah sure, I saw the beings in my sleep. But what I felt building up in my heart and seeing my girlfriend tremble before me was happening in “reality”. Oh and btw, a couple of hours later, next morning, she told me her nose was bleeding a bit. Wtf?
It’s just so weird to experience stuff like this. Is it all a dream? Is my mind playing tricks on me? Is my brain purposely creating these visual things as a way of processing the day-to-day events? Is it just my way of trying to understand this universe? Then again, why are soooo many people experiencing the same kind of thing? I’d like to think of it as something more than just a mental “illness” as some like to call it.
Whatever. Right now, since I got the job, I started sleeping and dreaming normally again. It’s just so funny because now I realize I was pretty manic the past 4 months. In my manic state I knew I was doing/thinking/feeling things that are out of the norm. I didn’t care. I wanted to know where this beautiful rabbit hole would take me.
P.S.: Love this artwork!
P.S.2: Fitting song :