“There is a particular kind of pain, elation, loneliness, and terror involved in this kind of madness. When you’re high it’s tremendous. The ideas and feelings are fast and frequent like shooting stars, and you follow them until you find better and brighter ones. Shyness goes, the right words and gestures are suddenly there, the power to captivate others a felt certainty. There are interests found in uninteresting people. Sensuality is pervasive and the desire to seduce and be seduced irresistible. Feelings of ease, intensity, power, well-being, financial omnipotence, and euphoria pervade one’s marrow. But, somewhere, this changes. The fast ideas are far too fast, and there are far too many; overwhelming confusion replaces clarity. Memory goes. Humor and absorption on friends’ faces are replaced by fear and concern. Everything previously moving with the grain is now against– you are irritable, angry, frightened, uncontrollable, and enmeshed totally in the blackest caves of the mind. You never knew those caves were there. It will never end, for madness carves its own reality.”
I found it here. What you just read is bipolar disorder put into words, so precise, so beautifully. The words came from Dr.Kay Jamison, an american psychologist who suffers from bipolar as well.
I’ve known what I have for about 2 years, maybe a little more. The highs are so incredible and in order for me to chase them, manipulating myself is child’s play. Even now, with full knowledge of what’s going on. Oh well I keep learning everyday, I’ll be just fine.